Having spent the last couple of weeks peering into a whole new and beautiful world of colour, movement, light, and wonder it’s somewhat surprising to feel a little blue.
It started with a conversation that made me rather sad. A friend I was talking with appeared to relinquish herself to the notion that a recent experience (of the heart) may be the closest to being the happiest she’s ever going to feel. In as much as I feel that we can have wondrous encounters with someone, the idea that this could be the single most magical moment one will experience in one’s life bothers me. I have a couple of friends that have eluded to this idea and Paulo Coelho writes of this in Brida.
But why? Why would I hang on to one moment so strongly that it would prevent me from allowing myself to be open to something equally as beautiful or more so? In talking through this with my friend I remembered the line from the movie “The Perks of Being a Wallflower”. Stephen Chbosky wrote “We only accept the love we think we deserve” and, in my experience, this seems to hit the nail on the head. So if I have decided that the beautiful moment that I’ve experienced is “as good as it gets” then I have closed my heart to be free to experience something more, something different, and more importantly, something greater. I would never downgrade someone’s experience of bliss, joy, or happiness in any given moment but I feel sad when I hear of people that have decided to resign themselves to the idea that they couldn’t possibly experience something better.
My experience of life has shown that no matter how amazing an experience is I keep encountering something even better, even though this comes in ebbs and flows and many ebbs are almost too long to bear. Of course such experiences are different, and it would be dangerous to one’s joy to constantly be making comparisons. If I were to do that then I would live in the past… holding on to an experience that “topped them all” once and being incapable of seeing the beauty that my current circumstance brings.
Yesterday morning I woke early and rather sad with the idea that, once again, I hadn’t shared my recent lucid encounter with nature with someone that I could reminisce with for years to come. Today I feel better in that, even though I feel sad for my friend who’s recent emotional affair has left them feeling rather cynical about relationships, I can’t help but feel moved to prevent myself from such torrid views. That each crush I’ve had has shown me how someone can touch my mind and reveal even greater heights to which I can experience the world. And as with every experience in life I don’t have to manufacture it, it just happens.
I just hope that I don’t have to wait too long until one of these inspirations wants to stick around and we can continue the adventure together.
(PS the image is of a friend… I just thought it fitted the sentiment…)